Thoughts: What Culture are we Creating?

Since Last Christmas, Alex and I have taken upon ourselves to actually learn about certain traditions and the festivities we get involved in. Do we just do it because that’s all we’ve been taught/and known since birth? Or is it because everyone else is doing it…and we just want to fit in. To feel involved. Be a Part of something…Even if we don’t believe in it…Or feels good to us…

What are these certain worldwide national days that we pour SO much energy into. Christmas, New Years, Halloween, Valentine’s Day, Easter, etc etc etc…And What meaning do they even have to us, that we do them year by, year by, year and so on……

A unnerving realisation was that, I had so adopted so many practices or celebrated big calendar days without even stopping to understand the WHY!

What am I even participating in? Life becomes this ritual and energy is our most Valuable Asset. 

The saddest part is, I don’t think I cared enough to understand why. I just wanted to be doing the Most Coolest thing at the time. 

Persian New Year has really got me in my feels this year. And it got me thinking ALOT. And a worry…Are WE going to be the last “Conscious” generation to pass on What We Know. 1000s+ years worth of history, culture, traditions, teachings…VALUES.

I look back at my family and the level of effort they put in bringing everyone together, through the love of food, to entertain, be hospitable, to share stories, to laugh, dance. 

The Importance they placed on Family Gatherings. Especially around New Year.

Hearing about my grandmas generation was my Favourite. Everything felt so GRAND and wholesome. Life was this massive celebration with the people you loved. Her father built a tall building with blocks of few flats for the whole family to live in. They would go to each other houses, see each other, always had something going on, and remained close. They cared and loved deeply. They intentionally lived near all their close ones, and everybody knew each other – all living on one street. Family, friends, neighbours who eventually turned into family…

There was so much EFFORT to make life look so Colourful. Loving. Welcoming. And Warm – through these certain traditions. 

And the Last few weeks, being away from Home, my First New Years that I’ve taken upon myself to learn as much as possible, in such a short space of time… and to Recreate…

I have grown such a DEEP respect for my culture, background – and mostly for my family. Like I have never before… Such deep appreciation to have been able to live such a Rich Culture…But, that wasn’t always the case.

Story Time…

For so long I had rejected my ethnicity growing up in the West. Born and raised in London. I grew up feeling embarrassed of being different. The Brown/ Yellow kid. No One looked like me. As a result, I already felt like I had to do more just to stand out, never mind associating with it. 

Especially after the Islamic Revolution. It didn’t look cool. The way the News was portraying the Middle East as being Terrorists/Extremists. I just wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to adopt my Western Culture as much as possible… “I’m British.” “Get with the times” – my favourite choice of words.

But, of course, I had my beautiful family who were Proud Persians. Who adopted their own culture and held on to it. Tight. 

Traditional values.

I grew up resenting them for it. I thought it was SO STRICT. All I wanted to do is, look cute and go out with my friends. I was 13 at this point and had no care for it. My deepest urge was to BELONG. Where most of my friends were already going to underage raves, (secretly) drinking, wearing make up, having boyfriends…I was told I was NOT allowed to do such things…and had to come straight home after school. I couldn’t even go to the shopping centre. 

I felt oppressed. I couldn’t understand why. I felt like I was being held back in life. I was only a teenager lol. My mum explained her reasons why but I thought she was just being over the top. “All my friends moms allow them, IT’S JUST YOU!”

Mum told me to wait until I was an adult and had my first child – and then I would understand WHY.

And I just COULD NOT wait until I was 18…

“I can’t wait till I grow up”. I can’t wait until I go to my first club. I can’t wait until I get my freedom. 

And So I did…slowly by slowly…and my rebellious streak was starting to come out. The more “Freedoms” I got to enjoy, the further I went away from the family dynamic and its beliefs/values.

I was so caught up and lost in myself that sadly, it didn’t have so much importance to me. The good saying “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” Definitely hits right now… 

I grew up with role models like Kim Kardashian, watching shit television like Jersey Shore, Geordie Shore…It was just so COOOOL. Nothing I grew up with represented my family was about. 

In order to fit in, I needed to Look a certain way, Behave a certain a way, Talk a certain way, Be a certain way. 

In other words, I wanted to LOOK PRETTY. HAVE PRETTY CLOTHES. GET DRUNK. PARTY. GET HIT ON. AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. 

(Back to the present day)

On the day of Norouz, my boyfriend was asleep for a nap and I had this urge to try find any videos I had taken when I was last in Iran during New Years. I went back onto my old instagram account and went through the Story Archives of the last few years…and it hit differently. 

I was embarrassed. The maddest part of that, is I thought I looked cool. Funny. Cute. Silly. “Wild”.

But with my new pair of eyes and mindset, I felt sad for this girl. I reflected back onto this exact memory and was worried for this 25 year old. I always looked backed at my time traveling around South East Asia as some of my craaaaazzzzieeeesest and Best memories. But were they? 

I think those pictures sum it up. As part of the Hostel’s rules – on the day of your birthday, you have to Drink the amount of tequila shots as the age you are turning…25 TEQUILA SHOTS??!?!?!?!?! Some may laugh and find it funny. Even admire me for doing it…but why?

I SERIOUSLY don’t remember how I even ended up in my own bed, at this random hostel I was staying out. Who was even looking after me? I was traveling around Asia, SOLO!!! Apparently someone put me safely in bed…and I had put my almost trust in…strangers. 

The scariest part is that we have Normalised these behaviours. 

I have so many similar memories with the same incident of being black out drunk when I was abroad and it honestly raises the hair on my back to think what else actually happened…I already know of the memories that I don’t look back so proudly…and it makes me feel uncomfortable…

I know most will say, You’re Young. “YOLO”. Live. Do as You Wish. Don’t be too hard on yourself. OR, on the other hand say, You are an adult and responsible for yourself. Need to know your limit. blalalala.

Both are Such conflicting messages to live with, in a society that I couldn’t escape out of. Living in my reality didn’t feel like there is a middle ground to exist. It was either to be like the cool kids, and get super crazy…or be seen as boring, who has their life put together.

Whatever it was, I seriously still wonder how I’m still alive or haven’t been taken advantage of more…with the amount of questionable environments I have placed myself. (e.g. having a near death experience due to getting super wasted and thinking it was a bright idea to go “Surfing” whilst there was crazy sea waves…lol story time for another time…)

And we consider this all as Fun. It may sound like I’m being judgemental or “boring”…but it’s a Reality Check. 

I did all of this because it made me Feel accepted. It’s what the Majority is doing. The Lifestyle we have Created around it all. 

But I do sympathise…I really feel it’s hard to escape it in the UK. The London Lifestyle enabled it more. This fast hamster wheel that we’ve been placed on. The Hustle Grind. The Money. Status. Clothes. Luxury. The Drinking, The Drugs, The Casual Sex… etc, that we seem to be chasing, the next fix, the next rush…the feeling of being High… is not sustainable… ALWAYS looking for something to help us externally because we need a release from this lifestyle, to take the edge off, or keep us distracted from going inwards and discover our true selves… 

We’re not built for it, or designed to be and live like this. 

We only, just burn out. 

We try so hard to go against our true nature…but only to come back to it eventually…

Why haven’t we learnt to be at Peace with our Selves? and enjoy it.

So, if this food for thought. I want you to think of a few questions:

• – What reality have we created for ourselves?

• – Are we proud of it?

• – If we were to leave this world tomorrow, How would we want to leave it for the next generation?

• – What teachings can we share with each other and benefit from one another?
• Most Importantly…

And, this blog post is not to shame my British Culture. I love my people. From everywhere, all over the world. But I know deep down, we are worthy of a better lifestyle that we’ve been brought up to believe and adopted in this Matrix World, by design. Through deliberate programming, constant bombardment of messages, music videos, magazines, celebrities, TV.

We are a Product of our Environment. The People we hang out with, the information we consume. the food we eat. the cultures and traditions we adopt…

And I’m not saying the Persian Culture is more high mighty than others…And I’m not saying I know it all and living the right way…But it worries me that the world our parents, grandparents lived in, is starting to look unrecognisable. When we No longer have Positive Examples/template to look towards in the mainstream spotlight. Or even just around us…

Is there any coincidences that there’s been a rise in the destruction of the: family unit and values that it holds, meaningful connections, the feminine-nurturing woman, masculine and protective men, obsession with materialism and self, the glorification of promiscuity, the ‘want’ to even commit to a relationship or – do I dare to use the forbidden word…Marriage? What about Children?

It’s part of the Human Nature to have all of this…but we’ve been led to believe; It’s not cool. It’s Outdated. Old Fashioned. Boring.

There is no coincidences as to why more of us are suffering, at the cost of “Liberation” and instant gratification…

The Spark for this Post…

This time, last year – I asked my Persian friends in the UK, if they were going to celebrate New Years…they said No. “We don’t do that anymore. It stopped with my parents generation…” I remember when that reality hit me and I felt sad. They would rather spend their time, adopting the rave scene, spending time getting fucked up, being numb, staying unconscious…To continue Living in a World, where making no effort is Cool.

But I Am, They. And I saw myself in them. I was barely doing the minimum…no better. Just showing up – enjoying the perks of it but didn’t take upon myself to learn, ask, or take it in. We Live for the Moment. For the Escapism. Thrill. Not thinking there will be consequences. Not investing our time and energy to think about the Long Term. It’s just…too much effort to take Responsibility.

I’ve had a lot on my heart that I needed to pour out but it’s a worry…because at the age of 28, when I’m in my Own home with my Partner…I realise, I’ve been too self obsessed or not cared enough to Be a Woman. To invest in myself in learning how to look after my loved ones. To Run a Home. I’ve just cared about striving, doing…priorities all over the place. But- It’s a process and I’m here now. Grateful to be understanding this now… Trying to get my shit together…Actually thinking of the long run.

This desire to Build, not only a beautiful life for myself and loved ones but to hopefully leave a Positive Template for the next generation- and hopefully others can benefit from.

So yeah, I guess – it was a bit of scary realisation when it came to my first year from Home, from parents – and it was, Now, my Turn to Recreate and pass on my family traditions, (or…of even ‘Any’ Positive kind…) But facing the reality, that I actually did not know much about Persian New Year besides partaking it. Taking it for granted whilst it was there…

So Yes. I have been feeling this moral duty to pass on this tradition that they has been around for the last 3000 years…it’s been around for SO long for a reason. Our ancestors knew something…and It was to give Life, Meaning.

So, Yes. The idea of all these beautiful traditions dying out because our failure of giving a fuck to uphold them, does worry me. Because, if our generation doesn’t do the work…then Who Will?

My Last Thoughts…

We are Always creating some sort of Culture/Traditions/Values, even if we don’t see it…Question is Whose Culture are you helping to manifest? For the benefit of those above us…or Us?

I want to reinstore What Life is All About…and To give it Meaning. 

Whether that’s to Learn about others, my own…or to even Create New Ones.

What Positives can we take from it?

To Live life with Intention.

It can feel like a lonely road to go up alone, but its a World worth Rebuilding for…

Love Always, R x